Imperfection, Inherent Self-Worth, Self Love

Stop in Interesting Places

Timmy

Leonard Cohen says “there is a crack in everything/ that’s how the light gets in.” In Japan there’s an art called, kintsugi in which a broken vessel that is cracked or broken is repaired with gold, making something broken an object of beauty. I’ve heard that Persian rug makers would weave in small imperfections in the rugs they wove because perfections are the realm of god. 

These are three different approaches and perceptions of how a person might work with imperfection. There must be more (these are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head). How might they affect or sway my own perfectionistic tendencies? What is enough perfection? What is too much perfect? How might something with scars and seems showing be more beautiful because of it? 

Here’s another that seems related that popped up into my head. Paul Gardner says;“A painting is never finished – it simply stops in interesting places” 

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Boundaries, Inherent Self-Worth, Self Love

Chasing Problems

Timmy

I’m often focused on what I want to correct in myself. What’s wrong with me? What could be better? There’s a lot of judgment in that. And of course problems are nearly endless. I’m good at finding what’s wrong.  

Jack Kornfield tells a story of a person meditating. At first the sound of a person’s breathing meditate snared them, interrupting their perfect meditation. Next it was a noisy radiator in the room that interrupted them. Each interruption, each problem blocking their mindfulness, they reported to their teacher. In the next meditation session the cars passing on the busy road outside the room were the problems. Having heard about each problem and now the passing cars the teacher asked; “Are the cars coming into the room to bother you, or are you going out to the road to be bothered by them? 

I’m suspicious the way I worry about my flaws and problems may be like that.  

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Boundaries, Inherent Self-Worth, Self Love, Songwriting

None of My Business

Timmy

As I went food shopping, I was listening to Brené Brown’s podcast with Laverne Cox. They got to the rapid fire questions.   

Brené prompted Laverne with the question, “What is something other people often get wrong about you.” 

Laverne answered; “What other people say about me is none my business.” 

Those are good boundaries. We can’t control what other people say about us. So let them say what they want. Even as I type those words, I find a part of myself searching out clauses and caveats to amend it. It’s pretty scary to let go of my belief that I can nice my way into getting people to like and speak well of me, which is a bit manipulative. 

What it I were to try it out?  What is if I committed to the idea; “What other people say about me is none my business?” 

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Imperfection, Inherent Self-Worth, Self Love

What Do I Really Need?

Timmy

Self-care is hard. Not the “Insta” self-care of spas and influencers, but really taking care of, and making time for my needs, and my wants that bring real joy. 

It’s not news that in our culture I’m not encouraged to take care of myself. I’m discouraged away from listening to my body. I’m encouraged to work hard, play hard, shop hard, even sleep hard. (Sleep is one of the few things I’m unlikely to get better at by working at it harder). There are so many ideas and things which are meant to make up for, or act as a reward in lieu of listening to my body. The hidden message of most ads is “This product will cover up the wear and tear of striving so hard to be happy. I’ve heard lost sleep can’t be made up for. I’m not sure lost self-care can either. 

A better question is: What do I really need? What do I really want? Listening to myself means listening to the answers from my body.  What can i experience, right now that will care for my self, my body. How will I make time to do that? 

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Inherent Self-Worth, Self Love

Inherently Good, Most of the Time

Timmy

I was asked the other day “How would you define a heart-centric person?” It’s a challenging question, but here’s a shot. A heart-centric person is someone who understands and experiences themselves and others as inherently good. (Most of the time).  

Let’s define inherently good. Being inherently good doesn’t mean that a person can do no harm, and moves through the world saintlike, performing miracles. That’s a fairytale.  It means a person takes ownership of their actions, aspiring to learn from them, yet recognizing that no action brands a soul as wrong for eternity.  

Part of Inherent goodness is recognizing that individual actions aren’t our identity. Another part is recognizing that another persons actions aren’t their identities either.  A heart centric person is focused on living in out of integrity, curious it, and a desire for understanding.  Most of the time.

I say most of the time, because I’m suspicious that every human ebbs and flows on tides of self-worth. Sometimes I’m fully able to live in my self-worth and recognize other people’s worthiness as well.  Other times I’m knocked off my spot. My aim is to return to my spot after I realize i’ve been knocked around some. To be curious about what happened, and see what I can learn about it. And also to remember that being knocked off my self-worth doesn’t make me unworthy.  It just means I want to return to it. 

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