Clever

I have a tumultuous relationship with being clever, or witty.

For a long time, the height of my aspirations was to be clever. The first problem with that is that cleverness isn’t fun if no one recognizes my cleverness. And if I need recognition, I’m not acting out of my self-worth. My self-with doesn’t need other’s approval.

Another problem, cleverness requires one-upmanship. I need be smarter than someone else, (the person judged by my cleverness).

There’s a chain of status my aspiring to be clever creates, and I’m not even at the top, but it usually requires I also put someone down.